the missing thing that is completely different from everything else, but everything has a stake in it.

rant to awaken the prosophiles, though if I manage to, they will probably never forgive me for it, error dies before pride does

it is all cowardice foolishness and spoiled brattiness. "Light light more light. I want light and no dark, I want day and no night, I want pleasure and no pain, and if I can't have them, I hate it I hate the hateful world that being half dark half pain half beauty half horror is all horror, all dark all pain to me. and I fear it. I must spend my life steeling myself to face death and hurt so they will never surprise me I will become a mind made of steel against the dark, I will make my art of scary masks as scary as the world to hold the scariness at bay as long as I can. I will be so good and pure I will shame creation with my kindness toward animals, I will scare it with my rage against it."

It is cowardly and also foolish, because death in much huger than any of those masks and when it comes and you see that you wasted your life trying to be equal to it, I don't know, gothic modern medieval world, how that will help at all.